I don't know if it's because I have been helping Ella with her homework or because I have been sick with a chest cold, but in the midst of my insomnia the other night I began thinking of the word problem below, then a snowball effect began. So though math is something I know very little about (just ask my report cards all the way through college) here is a post for your (hopeful) enjoyment.
Pregnancy Quiz
1. The doctors have prescribed 1 325mg iron supplement to be taken twice a day on an empty stomach and separately from your prenatal vitamin. Due to your indigestion and acid reflux you are to eat 5-6 small meals throughout the day instead of "3 squares". You are instructed to sleep a minimum of 8 hours a night and advised to also take at least one nap during the day.
At what times of day will you take your pills?
(answer - anytime you happen to remember it, including right after a bowl of ice cream, pregnancy robs you of your neural synapses, the doctors are lucky you remembered to buy the supplements in the first place.)
2. You are lying in bed at night anytime after your 6 month of pregnancy, are you
a. not sleeping because you are being kicked/pushed in your stomach/kidney/hip/etc.
b.Not sleeping because you are not being kicked and are therefore worried that something could be wrong.
c. Not sleeping because your acid reflux is burning your esophagus.
d.Not sleeping because you are on your way to the restroom, just back from the restroom, or thinking about getting up to go to the restroom but delaying it because it hurts to get up out of bed.
e. all of the above
f. Sleeping soundly
(Note - answers "a" & "b" are only possible at the same time if you are pregnant with twins. if you answered "f" you are probably in fact the spouse of a pregnant woman.)
3. You might be pregnant if watching "Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern"
a. actually makes you throw up instead of just gagging.
b. actually makes you hungry.
(Note - both answers may be true depending on your pregnancy or on the stage of your pregnancy.)
4. When pregnant which of the following will likely make you cry?
a. Hallmark ads on TV.
b. Country music songs.
c. People being rude to you or others.
d. People being kind to you or others.
5. To avoid high blood pressure during your "high risk pregnancy" you are to limit activity and simplify your life, which of the following activities will you eliminate?
a. Feeding your family
b. Cleaning your house.
c. Showering.
d. driving children to school.
e. monthly ultrasounds.
f. bi-monthly OB check-ups.
g. glucose screenings, blood tests, urinalysis.
h. aerobic exercise
(Answer - trick question, you must continue to do all of these things - with the possible exception of "b", but if you eat some chocolate and hydrate while you do it, you might survive!)
That is about all my pregnant brain can come up with, if you have additional word problems feel free to add them in the comments section!
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Insomniaaaaaaargh
Insomnia is something I know something about, especially during pregnancy.
It sounds redundant but if I can sleep through the night, I can usually sleep through the night.
There are however many things that prevent me from sleeping through the night, the following are but a representation of the many:
1-children in my house. Sick children, who may need medicine, or a cool compress etc. Silly children who need to use the restroom but can't remember that that is the reason they are awake. Little children who lose a necessary comfort object in the darkness and cannot find it on their own. Ah yes, my beautiful children, I am often heard to mutter in the darkness "It's a good thing you are cute, cuz otherwise we might not all survive this.
2-children in my body. Wiggly children that like to move around when I lay down, two of them already vying for the "sweet spot" where they can kick either my bladder, hips, or stomach. Hungry children that cause me to wake up at 3:00 in the morning starving as though I haven't eaten in days.
3-Snoring - sometimes my own, and sometimes that handsome man who sleeps with me, actually I don't think the snoring wakes me, it just keeps me awake.
4- Acid reflux - sometimes as a result of blows to my stomach but more often in response to the foods I eat, (tomatoes and pregnancy just don't work for me.)
5- Chihuahuas with laryngitis - I don't actually know the breed of this dog in our neighborhood, and since it has had the same strangely hoarse yap for the past 2 or 3 years it probably isn't laryngitis, but it does go on rants, sometimes for hours. I am not exaggerating, Hubbie and I have both been woken by this neighborhood beast and clocked it barking at 5 second intervals for more than 1 hour, I drifted off to sleep and woke up an hour and a half later to find the animal still barking.
6- impending change - the two weeks after we found we were having twins I often lay awake in my bed trying to imagine how we ill accomplish our daily and weekly tasks and schedules. I'm still not totally sure, but that doesn't keep me up much anymore, of course thinking of baby names fills the void of things to lie awake contemplating.
Some have suggested that pregnancy insomnia is preparation for the weeks of sleeplessness after the birth of a new child. I cannot refute this idea, only sigh at the thought of 3 more months of preparation.
Before you rush to offer me insomnia solutions please rest assured (like the pun?) that I have tried many, refused some, and remain resigned to my fate. Currently my favorite remedy is a small bowl of ice cream, a TUMS chaser, and an hour or two at my computer, if nothing else, this experience leads me to blog, and to check Facebook more than once a week.
It sounds redundant but if I can sleep through the night, I can usually sleep through the night.
There are however many things that prevent me from sleeping through the night, the following are but a representation of the many:
1-children in my house. Sick children, who may need medicine, or a cool compress etc. Silly children who need to use the restroom but can't remember that that is the reason they are awake. Little children who lose a necessary comfort object in the darkness and cannot find it on their own. Ah yes, my beautiful children, I am often heard to mutter in the darkness "It's a good thing you are cute, cuz otherwise we might not all survive this.
2-children in my body. Wiggly children that like to move around when I lay down, two of them already vying for the "sweet spot" where they can kick either my bladder, hips, or stomach. Hungry children that cause me to wake up at 3:00 in the morning starving as though I haven't eaten in days.
3-Snoring - sometimes my own, and sometimes that handsome man who sleeps with me, actually I don't think the snoring wakes me, it just keeps me awake.
4- Acid reflux - sometimes as a result of blows to my stomach but more often in response to the foods I eat, (tomatoes and pregnancy just don't work for me.)
5- Chihuahuas with laryngitis - I don't actually know the breed of this dog in our neighborhood, and since it has had the same strangely hoarse yap for the past 2 or 3 years it probably isn't laryngitis, but it does go on rants, sometimes for hours. I am not exaggerating, Hubbie and I have both been woken by this neighborhood beast and clocked it barking at 5 second intervals for more than 1 hour, I drifted off to sleep and woke up an hour and a half later to find the animal still barking.
6- impending change - the two weeks after we found we were having twins I often lay awake in my bed trying to imagine how we ill accomplish our daily and weekly tasks and schedules. I'm still not totally sure, but that doesn't keep me up much anymore, of course thinking of baby names fills the void of things to lie awake contemplating.
Some have suggested that pregnancy insomnia is preparation for the weeks of sleeplessness after the birth of a new child. I cannot refute this idea, only sigh at the thought of 3 more months of preparation.
Before you rush to offer me insomnia solutions please rest assured (like the pun?) that I have tried many, refused some, and remain resigned to my fate. Currently my favorite remedy is a small bowl of ice cream, a TUMS chaser, and an hour or two at my computer, if nothing else, this experience leads me to blog, and to check Facebook more than once a week.
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